


Meet Me In The Matinée

by zilia



Series: Meet Me In The Matinée [1]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Bisexuality, M/M, Masturbation, Voyeurism, erotic cinema
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:38:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilia/pseuds/zilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach goes to the movies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [satismagic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/satismagic/gifts).



> A prompt from, and a gift for, the lovely JunoMagic.

Zach had dithered over whether to go to the movie or not, and by the time he had decided that yes, he did want to go, then he was perilously close to being late. He didn’t think there would be much of a rush for tickets – a small midweek film festival celebrating gay erotic cinema wasn’t likely to draw much of a crowd, even if it hadn’t been so badly organised that publicity had only gone out the week before – but still, one of his pet peeves was people arriving late to movies. He grabbed his keys, stuffed his feet into his sneakers, and scooted out the door to his car.

He was lucky with the traffic, and arrived at the cinema just as the film was due to start. As he waited impatiently in the ticket queue, he realised that this was one of his first times out since the break-up. It still hurt, being on his own. The dogs kept running from room to room looking for Miles and whining disappointedly when they couldn’t find him, and Zach’s thoughts would unconsciously do the same. It was strange to wake up to more space in the bed, fewer grooming products in the bathroom, only one pair of shoes by the door. Even though he knew it was for the best, he was still feeling a little bit bruised. Still, it was nice to be out and about again. Now he was going to have an uncomplicated afternoon watching beautiful earnest young men having beautiful earnest sex against a tastefully artistic background with a moving soundtrack.

“One ticket for _We Happy Few_ , please,” he said to the bored-looking teenager behind the counter when he reached the front of the queue. The guy printed the ticket without even making eye contact and pushed it across to him, mumbling “Screen Three.”

Zach seized up his ticket and hurried to the theatre. It was dark and the titles were already rolling. As he predicted, there weren’t many people there, but he decided to be as unobtrusive as possible and to slip into the back row. He settled into a seat and prepared for the show.

He was entirely _unprepared_ to hear a very familiar voice whispering “hey, Zach!” in his left ear. When he turned and saw Chris sitting next to him, he almost jumped out of his skin. It was lucky he hadn’t had time to get popcorn, or else he would have flung it everywhere in shock.

“Chris? What are you doing here?”

“Watching the movie, duh. I would have thought that was obvious.”

“No, I mean, what are you doing _here_? You do know this is a gay movie, right?”

“Yeah, the two guys making out on screen up there kinda gave it away.” Chris was sounding remarkably calm. Far too calm to be watching a gay erotic movie when he had hitherto never expressed any interest at all in men. Zach was surprised the noise of his brain grinding to a halt didn’t have other people turning around in their seats and hissing “shhh!”

“Chris…you’re not gay.”

“What, I can’t appreciate a little erotica? Plus, this movie got awesome reviews, and that dark-haired guy is _hot._ ”

Zach was too busy trying to accommodate the massive shift in perspective the last few moments had given him, but before he could say anything else, Chris whispered “anyway, would you mind not talking? I want to watch the movie,” and scooted a couple of seats away, to where a large bucket of popcorn and what looked like a bag of Red Vines were awaiting him.

Zach blinked once, twice, and then tried to turn his attention to the movie. It shouldn’t have been so hard to concentrate. There were two _very_ attractive men on screen, cupping each other’s faces and sighing and drinking deeply of each other’s mouths. Their faces filled the screen, and their kissing was accompanied by soft moans and the slick, wet sounds of lips and tongues meeting. It was very well-acted; the passion was so convincing, which was not always a given, and he loved the intimate, almost voyeuristic feeling of watching people kiss. Normally he would have been well on the way to being turned on already, but instead he felt a tremendous pang in his heart as he watched the couple in the movie. Miles had been an _excellent_ kisser.

Now he was annoyed. The dual distractions of his recent heartbreak _and_ the presence of one of his closest friends a few seats over, no doubt trying to flash his right-on credentials while stuffing his stupid face full of popcorn, had completely killed the mild buzz of expectation he’d been feeling when he entered the theatre. All he’d wanted was to watch the movie and possibly to get off in the relative privacy of a poorly-occupied afternoon showing. Instead he was being relentlessly followed by both bittersweet memories _and_ a grinning, gluttonous idiot who had no place watching gay erotica anyway.

He turned his head to glare at Chris, fully expecting to see him with Red Vine barbels and a glazed, horrified expression. Instead, what he saw made his mouth fall open.

Chris was staring transfixed at the screen, taking in the activities of the couple, who were now half-naked and writhing on a bed. One hand was leisurely, seemingly unconsciously, rubbing at his crotch, and Zach could make out a sizeable bulge there even in the dim light of the movie theatre. As one of the guys palmed the other guy’s dick through his pants, Chris let out a little sound – too quiet perhaps for most people to make out, but perfectly audible to Zach when he was so close by – and just like that, Zach felt himself getting hard too.

It was a beautiful, tender love scene, with the kissing and sighing interspersed with soft-whispered words of affection and devotion. His best friend, who was apparently more flexible than Zach had ever given him credit for, was jacking off three seats away from him. The juxtaposition was giving Zach a headache. And he was more turned on than he’d ever been in his life.

Finally in the mood to be at the movie, although via means he would have guessed almost impossible except in his wildest fantasies, he turned back to the screen. The couple had stopped kissing. Now the dark-haired one – Tom, he remembered from the info on the website – was sucking the other guy’s nipples. They had hardened to glistening red peaks, and – was the other guy called Brad? Zach couldn’t bring himself to care, so he mentally named him Brad until he was told otherwise – _Brad_ was moaning loudly. There was something so sexy about the way they played together, even though there was nothing going on below the waist as yet. They seemed to know each other’s bodies so well, and every touch was accompanied by meaningful, smouldering eye contact. Zach felt a shiver travel down his spine. If this continued – and it was going to, of course, it was an erotic movie – he was going to have to start touching himself.

He saw Tom shimmy out of his jeans and pants to reveal that he was extremely well-hung. Endless legs, too, Zach noticed in passing. Brad really seemed to appreciate it, and so did Zach. He was very deliberately not looking anywhere other than straight ahead, determined to keep Chris even out of his peripheral vision, trying to convince himself that he was not interested. On screen, Brad, who was now down to his briefs, was licking up Tom’s cock, before plunging it into his mouth and sucking wetly. He had the most beautiful face, big blue eyes and dark blond hair that was longish at the top, a strong brow and jawline, and full, pouty lips that looked _made_ for sucking cock. Tom was propped up on his arms, his head thrown back, gasping as Brad sucked and licked him in what was one of the loveliest, most tender blow jobs Zach had ever seen executed on screen.

“Oh God, _Chris,_ ” moaned Tom, and Zach’s brain jammed for one horrible moment, before he realised that Brad’s name was not Brad. _Of fucking course_ he would be called Chris.That was probably why that arrogant candy disposal unit sitting three seats away was here. He just wanted to sit in a movie theatre and be gratified by the sound of some swarthy gazelle-legged movie star moaning his name.

The moment of annoyance had taken the edge off Zach’s arousal, but he forced himself to concentrate on the movie, no matter what the characters’ names were. Chris and Tom were both fully naked now, lying side-by-side on the bed and kissing again, their bodies undulating together. Chris was begging to be touched, whimpering softly as Tom kissed down his neck and collarbone. The camera lingered more on their faces than on their bodies, which meant that Zach only had facial expressions to go on for what was happening lower down. That made it much hotter, somehow. From Chris’s sudden gasp and wide eyes, Zach guessed that Tom was playing with his asshole, maybe even slipping a finger or two in there… Oh yeah, that was more like it. Chris let out a long, low groan, and the camera panned for a moment to show Tom slowly sinking into his lover’s body, before focusing back on their faces. Zach prided himself on noticing stuff like this now he was involved in film production, even when most of his blood was diverted away from his brain. This director clearly knew what he was doing. The couple stayed face-to-face throughout, making slow, gentle love, while their foreheads rested together and their tongues tangled in deep, searching kisses. It was so sensual and erotic that Zach couldn’t help it; he unbuttoned his flies and pulled his cock loose from his boxers. He was so hard. He fisted himself roughly, enjoying the friction of his dry palm, and knew he wasn’t going to last long. He knew he should have felt more self-conscious about jerking off in a public place, even if there were hardly any people around, but he didn’t care. He just needed to get off with something in his head that wasn’t Miles. The thought of him made Zach’s hand stutter, and he lost his rhythm. A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and before he could stop himself he had looked to the side.

When his eyes met Chris’s and he saw the lust on his friend’s face, and the bulge of his cock jutting free from his now-open pants as he worked himself over, he shot long and hard into his own hand.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It took a long time for Zach to return to earth. When he did, he realised he’d missed part of the movie. The two lovers were now on a train journey somewhere, having a conversation he couldn’t follow. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it. He felt almost like he was in a dream, like his limbs were too heavy and his reactions too slow. He had come explosively, harder than he had without help in a very long time. But had it _really_ been without help? It was seeing Chris in a similar state that had pushed him over the edge, after all.

            He dared not look at Chris. He had an immediate problem in that his hand was sticky with his own come, and he was dripping all over his jeans. Luckily he had brought some Kleenex with him, which could handle most of the damage. He wiped himself down hastily and tucked his softening cock back into his pants. Having dealt with that issue, he then had to ask himself some pretty challenging questions about what had just happened; specifically, why the sight of his best friend jerking off had made him come like a freight train.

            Well. For starters, there had been some pretty powerful stimulus in the form of the artistic makeout session on screen. It had ticked a lot of Zach’s porn boxes on its own, and would probably have been enough to get him off eventually. The presence of Chris…no, of _someone_ watching him had just accelerated that process a bit. Secondly, he was single now, and horny, which made him especially vulnerable as he was no longer getting regular sex. That would certainly have made him more likely to come faster than expected. And thirdly…

            Thirdly was a problem, because thirdly, he had had an enormous crush on his best friend for a very long time, probably approximately since he had met him, and the sight of him enjoying a gay erotica movie had been enough to permanently bust him out of the safe “unavailable” box into which Zach had put him and to open the proverbial floodgates. So to speak.

            In a way, he was kind of furious with Chris for ruining the movie for him, because he now couldn’t concentrate on anything that was going on in it at all and he’d been really looking forward to seeing it. Instead he was sitting there in damp pants holding a sticky Kleenex wondering whether their friendship was ever going to recover from this. Every so often he couldn’t restrain himself from throwing a quick glance at Chris, only to find most of the time that Chris was doing the same to him. Every time the corners of their gazes met, a flash of heat seemed to pass between them before they could hastily turn away, and it was maddening. Zach felt conscious of every pore of his skin, every breath in and out, every minute shift in his seat to try to get more comfortable under such fleeting, yet scorching, scrutiny. Time seemed to slow down, every second building the charge under his skin as he absorbed the energy of that fleeting eye contact.  He felt incandescent, as though there was electricity flowing just under his skin; he couldn’t discharge it on his own, but he knew one touch, one point of contact, would send it sparking out.

            By the end of the movie, he felt dizzy and breathless, and it was a relief when the lights came up. He sat and watched the other patrons leaving, letting the fresh air wafting in through the open doors clear his head a little. He had no idea how he was going to deal with Chris now, and he was very tempted just to bolt for the parking lot, and possibly to leave LA forever, change his phone number, and drop out of Trek 3 for good measure so that he would never have to see him again. Probably that would be an overreaction. Instead, he got slowly to his feet, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead, and turned for the exit. He moved like a sleepwalker, unfalteringly putting one foot in front of the other with no conscious idea of where he was going. If he could just get out of here unscathed, maybe things would be ok. He wouldn’t have to face Chris, he wouldn’t have to make awkward small talk, he could just go home and pull the duvet over his head and not think about anything for a while, and then maybe cry a bit and eat some chocolate ice cream.

            Of course, Chris was as uncooperative in this as he had been by attending the damn movie in the first place. He hurried after Zach and grabbed his arm to slow him down, and the contact between them felt like getting shocked. Roused from his stupor, Zach wrenched his arm away and refused to turn around.

            “Hey, Zach! Zach! Slow down, buddy.” Chris was determined, following him through the foyer and into the parking lot. “What’s up?”

“Don’t crash my film showing, jerk off at me and then call me _buddy_ ,” Zach hissed, turning angrily to face him. Something about use of that word in this context made him feel suddenly furious, like Chris was trying to brush it off, like they were just goofing around.

“Jerk off _at_ you?” Chris looked confused. “Dude, it’s not like I was doing it in your face. And you were doing it too.”

“Don’t call me _dude_ either.” Zach was stalking off again, and Chris trailed in his wake like an abandoned puppy.

“Why are you so mad?”

“Is this just a joke to you?”

“What?” Chris’s expression of confusion deepened, and he looked so stupid that Zach wanted to shove him.

“You think it’s funny, turning up to the movie like that?”

“What? Zach, what the fuck? _I_ was there before _you._ I had no idea you were going to be there. And last time I checked, there’s no law against deciding to go to the movies without informing you.”

“But not _that movie_.” Zach knew he was being irrational, but he was furious. He felt as though Chris had invaded a part of his life that he had kept just for himself; he didn’t know whether he meant his free time, his enjoyment of that particular movie, or his heart, but whatever he meant, he didn’t want Chris there.

“What’s the big deal with the movie?”

“ _You’re not gay_ ,” Zach spat, and then turned on his heel and marched back to his car, leaving a completely bewildered Chris behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Zach drove home without any of his usual caution, trembling with suppressed rage, which quickly turned to misery once he was safely inside his house. He had ignored the buzzing of his phone, which had been almost constant during the drive home, and once inside he threw it across the room so that he didn’t have to see Chris’s attempts to contact him lighting up the screen. He forced himself to sit down, take some deep breaths, and pick apart his feelings, and as he did so, a powerful rush of shame overcame him. Shouting at Chris hadn’t made him feel any better, and he couldn’t understand where his anger had come from. Nothing that he had said had been planned; it had all fallen out of his mouth without any input from his brain. Somehow, he had become convinced that Chris had gone to the movie with the express purpose of ruining Zach’s enjoyment of it, and to laugh at him. He forced himself to think about what Chris had actually said and done that was so infuriating to him, and came up with…nothing, really. He had greeted him as the move started. He had jerked off to it, which had spurred Zach on to doing the same thing. Then he had attempted to talk to him afterwards. Put like that, it didn’t seem so threatening. But to just brush off what had happened, what they had both been doing, to be so casual and friendly about it…it made Zach’s head hurt. And what had Chris been doing at a gay movie anyway? This, apparently, was what was making Zach so furious. Just…it felt like Chris had crossed a line. He had no business being in that part of Zach’s life. It was like he was a tourist casually passing through Zach’s beloved home town and sneering at it in a loud voice. He could visit it and get a warped impression of it and then leave; he didn’t have to try to make a living there. But that wasn’t right either, Zach realised; Chris hadn’t been critical, he hadn’t expressed an opinion of the movie at all, and he had even enjoyed it, if his behaviour was anything to go by. Why was this bothering him so much?

He was still trying to get to the bottom of exactly what had upset him so much when he heard his doorbell chime. His heart leapt, as it had done every time this had happened since Miles had left, but this time it felt different. He was almost completely certain that it was Chris on the other side of the door, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to answer it or not. He knew he should try to talk this out with him, but he wasn’t sure whether now was quite the right time. He couldn’t very well leave Chris standing on the doorstep, however, and he knew how stubborn the man could be, so he went slowly to the door.

Chris was standing there looking extremely pissed off. Zach couldn’t really blame him, but nor could he think of anything to say, so they stood there in awkward silence until Chris gave an exasperated sigh.

“Are you going to acknowledge my existence or not? Or do I not count, since I’m not gay?” His tone was bitingly sarcastic, and Zach wanted to wither up and die on the spot.

“Look, about what I said. I can explain. I’ve been trying to think about it logically, and I…”

“Channelled your inner Spock, did you?” Chris interrupted, and Zach was so abashed he couldn’t continue. After another moment of silence, Chris said “Do you want to explain to me exactly what that was all about?”

“Not really.”

“Well, tough. You yelled at me, now I get to do the same. We could do it right here or do it inside, but either way, you’re going to fucking _listen_ to me.”

An insane, ridiculous, rebellious part of Zach’s brain, the part that clearly had a death wish, almost made an innuendo-filled comment in response to that, but he reined it in. No sense in Chris exploding all over his doorstep. _Shut up, brain,_ he thought desperately. He felt a terrible pang to think that normally he would have responded with something salacious without even thinking about it, just letting it be a part of their easy, playful repartee. Now he wondered whether something like that would ever be possible again. His war with himself kept him busy enough that he couldn’t trust himself to answer Chris, who after a moment gave Zach a look of utter contempt and barged his way past him into the house.

Zach followed him into the kitchen, still feeling strangely powerless, as though his brain had completely frozen. He was unable to produce words. He could feel Chris’s hostility crashing against him like waves, and even though he knew it was probably deserved, it still made him want to shrink. He was not by nature a confrontational person, but he could usually hold his ground in an argument. Now he felt paralysed. He forced himself to meet Chris’s blazing blue eyes and not wilt.

“OK. I’m not going to apologise for being at the movie, because that would be ridiculous. I found out about it on my own, I didn’t know you were going to be there, and anyway, even if I had known, it’s not like we’ve never been to the movies together before.” Zach opened his mouth to protest, but Chris forestalled him, raising his hand in a quelling motion. “I’m a little sorry I bothered you at the start of it, but I was really pleased to see you. It’s been ages since we’ve hung out. And I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable…during the movie.” Here Chris seemed to falter slightly and lose his confidence, his skin flushing, but after a moment he continued. “Again, not going to apologise for doing it, because that’s kind of the point of erotic movies, right? But I am sorry if that upset you or freaked you out or something.”

“But why – “ Zach began, and Chris gestured sharply to him again, not wanting to be interrupted.

“I don’t really feel as though I should have to justify wanting to be at the movie in the first place, but as it seems to have freaked you our so much, I guess I will. No, Zach, I’m not gay. But you don’t have to be gay to enjoy gay movies. You could be straight, or interested, or just curious, or…” he took a deep breath, “or you could be bisexual.”


	4. Chapter 4

The silence that followed this statement was deafening. Chris wore an odd expression, equal parts defiant, nervous, and expectant. He wouldn’t break eye contact, just kept looking steadily at Zach, while Zach’s brain began to recalibrate itself for what felt like the twelfth time that day. He knew he needed to say _something_ in response to this, but he was frozen to the spot. Eventually, Chris made an exasperated sound at his lack of response, and in a panic Zach said, “But you’re not bisexual. You like girls.”

It took his brain a moment to parse exactly what was wrong with this response, and in that time, Chris made such a “well, duh,” expression that it would have been funny had they not been in the middle of such a painfully honest conversation.

“Those two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive. In fact, bisexuality kinda means that there _is_ no “mutually exclusive.” Look it up sometime.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean that. I meant, as far as I know, you _only_ liked girls."

“Well, now you know differently.” Chris looked a little mollified by the fact that Zach was finally engaging with him, but Zach still felt like the conversation could get dangerous and out of control at any moment. He had no idea how to proceed, but he knew he had to keep Chris talking to stop him from storming out after having pissed him off enough times today.

“I do, but…I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to do with that information. I’m sorry,” he added hastily, when he saw Chris roll his eyes, “But it’s just a bit of a shock, ok? No, not a shock” – as Chris started to huff again – “a surprise.”

“Well, I’m not really used to telling people.”

“I’m…honoured that you told me?” Zach was unable to keep his voice from rising at the end of that sentence, as though he wasn’t really sure himself whether that was a good response. “Does anyone else know? Does your agent know?”

“My agent knows, yeah, but she doesn’t really want it getting out. Not during _Trek_ , anyway. Negative publicity, blah blah. Not exactly happy about it, but there you are. Nobody else really knows, except Katie, a couple of close friends and of course the guys I’ve dated. Kind of hard to keep it from them.”

 _Chris had dated guys._ Zach’s brain screeched to a halt yet again. It was ok in a hypothetical kind of way for Chris to be attracted to men, but now knowing that there had been actual guys in Chris’s life, in his arms, maybe even in his bed, was making it difficult for Zach to breathe again.

“You’ve dated guys?” Zach made a valiant effort to make this sentence come out in a vaguely normal, insouciant tone of voice rather than in a deranged, strangled squeak, but he was dismally unsuccessful.

“A couple.” Chris was back to looking defiant and defensive.

“When were you going to tell me?” _Give me their names, addresses, and weak points, so that I can succumb to my completely rational urge to destroy them._

“When it became relevant. As it just did, I guess.” Chris permitted himself a grin. “I didn’t think you’d be that interested.”

This was so disingenuous that Zach couldn’t help snorting. “Why the fuck didn’t you think I’d be interested? You’re my best friend. Of course I’m interested.” _For reasons entirely separate from the fact that I’ve been wanting to fuck you for years. For platonic, friendly reasons._

“Well, you’ve been kind of busy lately. Moving to New York, being a Broadway star, all loved-up with Wonderboy…I didn’t think minor details of my sex life would be that interesting to you.”

Zach winced. Maybe he _had_ been a bit lax about returning calls and texts when he was with Miles, and then in the aftermath when he had been putting himself back together, but not that bad, surely? Had his behaviour been enough to push Chris away?

“Miles and I broke up two weeks ago.” This time, Zach was proud of how even his voice sounded.

Chris blinked. “Really? Oh, I’m sorry, man. He was nice.” _Nice_ seemed too weak an adjective for Chris to use about somebody he had genuinely liked – he was usually far more effusive than that if he did really like someone – but Zach was too distracted to spend much time on that. Had Chris really not known? It seemed inconceivable to him that his best friend could have missed that.

“Didn’t I tell you?”

“Zach, we’ve hardly spoken all summer.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. We talk all the time.”

“Zach…” Chris took a couple of steps towards him and held out his phone. “Look.” He pressed a few buttons on the screen. “This is the sum total of all the text messages you’ve sent me in the past three months.”

Zach looked. It was pretty much a one-sided conversation. Chris had sent lots of messages, some suggesting meeting up at various places and times, some just goofy selfies or dumb jokes, and Zach’s replies were mostly apologies or rejections, when there were replies at all. Slowly, Chris’s messages had dwindled in frequency, and then stopped coming altogether. The one time they had actually managed to meet up all summer – the only time Chris had met Miles, in fact – had been that party at Zach’s house, where Chris had seemed a bit distant, more so than his usual introverted self. The rest of the time, Zach had been wrapped up either in work, or in trying to keep things together with Miles and then mourning his departure. Somehow, months had gone by without him having any meaningful contact with the man he had thought of as his best friend for the past five years.

“You’ve kind of been shutting me out a bit, buddy,” Chris said, sounding almost apologetic as he pocketed his phone.

“Chris…I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t even realise…I just felt like, of course we were talking all the time. I mean, I’m always talking to you in my head.”

“Thanks? I think?”

“Oh my God, I feel like I’ve abandoned you. Have you been wanting to talk to me about, y’know, _stuff_? And felt like you couldn’t because I’ve been busy?”

Chris laughed, a surprised, fond sound. “Not _everything_ revolves around you, Zach, though you might be surprised to learn that. I do know other gay and bi people I could have talked to if I’d needed to. I _did_ talk to them. No, I didn’t need you to be my big gay godmother or anything, it’s just…I wanted you to know. This might not be how I’d originally planned to tell you, but here we are. I’m bi.”

Just as he had before, Chris held Zach’s gaze as he said this, but where he had been defiant and nervous, now he was calm and steady, waiting for Zach to react. Zach found his earlier fury had completely evaporated, and he felt exhausted, wrung out like a wet rag. He couldn’t remember why he had been so angry; he was suddenly conscious of how much he had _missed_ Chris over the summer, how long it had been since they had spent any time together, how lonely and confused and miserable he felt. Wave after wave of powerful emotion washed over him, and before he knew it, to his utter horror and embarrassment, he had burst into tears. Chris stepped forward to comfort him, pulling him into a hug, and instinctively, unconsciously, Zach turned his head and kissed him full on the lips.


	5. Chapter 5

He felt Chris’s shock through their joined lips, lasting a split-second before he opened his mouth and responded enthusiastically to the kiss, his hands coming up to caress the back of Zach’s neck and tug at his hair. They kissed desperately, as though they had been starving for each other, as though to let go would mean certain death. Zach dropped his hands to encircle Chris’s waist and drag him closer, still not breaking contact. The tears were still running down his face, and he was sobbing in between gasping breaths, delirious, out of his mind. When Chris broke away, Zach made an anguished sound, chasing his lips and finding his mouth again. It was imperative that they not stop this. He didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to argue, he just wanted Chris, wanted him again and again, wanted to feel his lips and tongue and teeth and as much of him as he could get. He wanted their flesh to fuse, wanted to ache and bruise and hurt to remind himself that he still existed, to exorcise all memories of Miles and replace them with Chris, Chris’s gaze burning his skin, Chris’s fingerprints covering his body.

“Chris, Chris…mmm, let’s go to bed,” he moaned.

“What?”

“Take me to bed, Chris.” Zach chased the words with urgent kisses all over Chris’s neck and face, mouthing into the stubble on his jawline, feeling the scrape of it on the roof of his mouth.

“Zach, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure…c’mon, Chris, please, I want you so much.”

“You seem pretty upset right now…shouldn’t we talk about this some more?”

“ _No._ ”

Zach grabbed Chris’s hand and dragged him through the kitchen into the bedroom, Chris valiantly attempting to stop him and dragging his feet all the way.

“Zach, I’m not saying that us being together isn’t a stellar idea. I’m just saying, maybe these aren’t the best circumstan-.“ Chris broke off when Zach launched himself at Chris’s mouth again, and they wrestled together for several moments before Chris could get the upper hand and break free.

“Zach. You’re fucking _crying._ You just broke up with Miles. You’re kissing me like you want to _eat_ me. This is not how this is supposed to go. Can we take some time out?”

Zach tried really hard to make out what Chris was saying. Really, it all sounded like it was very sensible, but he didn’t want to waste time thinking about things or talking. He needed to find the right things to say to Chris so that they could go back to where they had been a few minutes ago, so that he could get out of his head and do something to stop up the horrible, yawning emptiness in his chest and get the ringing noise out of his ears.

“Don’t you want me?”

Chris looked torn. It was clearly costing him a lot to be holding back, judging by the flushed expression on his face and the extremely visible hard-on tenting his pants.

“Of course I want you, Zach, it’s just…”

“I want you. You want me. It’s fine. Please.”

“Are you _sure_ you’re ok?”

Zach had never felt less ok. “ _Yes._ ”

He reached out for Chris again, and this time, Chris didn’t resist. They fell onto Zach’s bed, Zach pulling Chris down on top of him, their mouths still locked together. He pushed his hands up Chris’s t-shirt and dragged it off, throwing it onto the floor, delighting in the feeling of so much skin being revealed at once. He sank his teeth into the sinew at Chris’s shoulder, worrying at it like a wolf. Chris shuddered and moaned, and pulled desperately at Zach’s shirt, until between them they had managed to get it off. All the electricity that had been building between them in the movie theatre was back, doubled, trebled, increased tenfold, sparking into the infinitesimal distance between their naked skin. As they rubbed against each other, Zach thought wildly that he would never survive, he was sure to burst into flames, he would sizzle to death before Chris even got his dick anywhere near him, but at the same time he would die if that _didn’t_ happen. He grabbed two large handfuls of Chris’s ass and squeezed tightly, grinding their cocks together and wringing another moan out of Chris.

“ _Zach._ ”

“Need you to fuck me…please.”

“Really? You’re into that?”

Zach thought he would scream with frustration if he had to wait any longer. “Not always…but now…Chris, I’m _begging_ you.”

“If that’s what you want...Condoms? Lube?”

Zach gestured to the nightstand, then crawled across the bed, following Chris as he went to find them, unable to bear even a second’s absence. He bit and sucked at the back of Chris’s neck as he rummaged through the drawer, scratching at his chest, as though he wanted to claw his way inside. He could _hear_ Chris’s heart thumping, and he felt his own pulse pounding in his head, racing together at breakneck speed towards this dizzy edge of destruction he was so bent on finding and throwing them both over. Having found Zach’s supplies, Chris turned and kissed him again, filthy and wet and deep. Their teeth clashed together and Zach’s head spun.

“Need you to help me get you ready,” Chris panted against his lips, reaching for Zach’s fly and working it open.

“Anything, just _don’t stop._ ” He tugged his jeans and boxers down, stopping to wrench off his shoes and socks and throw the whole lot somewhere across the room. Chris was stripping too, and then suddenly they were both entirely naked, tangled together, and Chris’s hand was between his legs.

“So beautiful, Zach, so hot, God, wanted you so long,” Chris was rasping in his ear, stroking and teasing Zach’s cock. Zach whined and writhed under his touch, bucking up against him, searching for more friction, but Chris kept teasing and Zach bit him again, full of frustration. He heard Chris hiss as he did so; he had bitten harder than he had intended and had nearly broken the skin. He licked over the livid mark in apology, but Chris had gotten the message: no more messing around. Zach snatched the condom and lube from him, tearing open the packet and rolling the condom onto Chris’s swollen cock. He followed it with a drizzle of lube, then coated his own fingers and started to push them into himself hurriedly. It had been a _long_ time since he had done this, and it burned, but he wanted to _feel_ it, wanted to focus on his body, wanted to be aware of every glorious inch of Chris.

“ _C’mon,_ ” he said, batting Chris’s hand away as he tried to help open him up. He shuffled backwards down the bed and onto his back, spreading his legs wide and dragging Chris down on top of him. Chris lined up and plunged into him in one long, sure thrust. Zach gave a long, shaky cry as Chris buried himself inside him, and Chris rested his forehead against Zach’s, breathing hard through gritted teeth as he bottomed out. Zach gripped Chris’s ass again and bucked up against him, rocking them together and setting a fast pace, so that all they could do was breathe together. Zach felt surrounded by Chris, completely enveloped in him despite that fact that Chris was in _his_ body. His senses were full of Chris, and it was too much. He had to close his eyes just to stop his brain overloading, but the assault continued: Chris’s musky scent in the air between them, the feel of his skin under Zach’s grasping fingers and against every inch of him, the taste of Chris’s sweat on his tongue as he nipped at his neck and ears and jaw, Chris’s gasping breaths and his voice rasping a litany of praise and curses – “Oh, fuck, Zach, so _tight_ , you feel so fucking good, not gonna last, m’gonna come, Zach, _Zach_ …” – and he felt himself edging towards a blessed oblivion.

 

After Zach came back down to earth, he noticed he was crying again. Actually, he wasn’t sure whether he had even stopped. As his head stopped spinning, he replayed the last few moments in his head, trying to untangle them, trying to bring back the stream of words that had fallen from his mouth without his consent; pleas, entreaties, a name. He was filled with a freezing rush of horror when he realised he couldn’t remember _which_ name he had shouted, but the stricken look on Chris’s face, when he could bring himself to open his eyes, told him that it had been the wrong one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arghhhhhh, so so sorry for the delay in posting this. Thanks so much to the lovely withinmelove, who finally coaxed this out of me and gave me some invaluable feedback!
> 
> I also neglected to mention at the beginning that the title of this fic comes from the song Matinee by Franz Ferdinand: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8k-iy_tWtQ if you'd like to listen to it!

To describe the ensuing silence as _awkward_ would be doing it a tremendous injustice; it would have been like trying to cover the Pacific Ocean with a postage stamp. After a moment of shocked immobility, Chris yanked himself from Zach’s body with enough haste to make Zach wince, and he got up off the bed. He tore off the condom, tied it up, and threw it towards the trashcan with tremendous force. When it missed, he made an angry sound, but he didn’t move to pick it up. Instead, he grabbed his clothes and dressed as quickly as possible, all the while refusing to look at Zach.

Zach wanted to die on the spot, to disappear completely and reappear in another dimension where he had never heard of Miles or Chris and where nobody would ever see him again. He felt utterly mortified and ashamed to have dragged Chris into the horrible mixed-up vortex of his mind, even more so because it had seemed like maybe there would have been an actual chance for them had Zach not messed it up. Instead, he had probably destroyed every chance of that ever happening and lost a valued friendship to boot. He realised suddenly that Chris might be about to walk out of his life forever, and in a panic he called out to him without really thinking about what he would say next.

“Chris?”

Chris didn’t turn around or reply directly, but after a moment he said,” so, you’re over him, huh?” in a dead voice.

“Chris…I’m _so so_ sorry. It was an accident.”

Chris still wouldn’t turn around, which Zach was slightly ashamed to admit that he felt pleased about, because he wasn’t sure he was ready to face him. Instead, he remained in the doorway, dressed now, as though unsure of whether to leave, while Zach stayed in the bed, terrified that any movement would cause Chris to bolt. After a moment, Chris spoke again.

“Even if it was an accident, that doesn’t mean this wasn’t a terrible mistake.”

“Not a complete mistake though? Sure, the timing could have been better, but…”

“Zach, do you have any idea how used I feel?”

When Zach didn’t answer, Chris gave a derisive laugh. “I haven’t seen you or heard from you in weeks, then as soon as you find out I’m interested in guys – not the easiest confession to make, by the way – you pounce on me and fuck me just to get your ex out of your head. And it evidently doesn’t work, if you can’t _tell the two of us apart._ ”

“Chris, don’t be ridiculous. That wasn’t just about Miles and me breaking up.”

“Oh yeah? Then what was it about?” Chris turned and looked at Zach properly, his face a mixture of anger and hurt. Zach forced himself to meet his gaze, even though it burned. He was still completely naked, and he felt so vulnerable in the face of Chris’s glare, but he knew that looking away would be the utmost cowardice and would lose him any shred of respect that Chris still held for him.

“Chris…I’ve had a crush on you since forever. I’m really sorry that this happened this way, but I’m _not_ sorry it happened at all, because I’ve wanted it to for a long time. I just didn’t realise I was allowed to.”

Chris raised an incredulous eyebrow. “What, so you can go from accidentally calling me the wrong name to a heartfelt confession of feelings for me in the space of two minutes and I’m supposed to be flattered by this, instead of feeling like a convenient fuck for you?”

“Please don’t think like that.”

“Well what else am I supposed to think? A month ago it was like you’d been replaced by some pod person, posting gooey photos on Instagram and telling everyone about your ‘real-life baby’ on Twitter and you wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Now you’ve ‘wanted this to happen for a long time.’ Which one is real, Zach?”

Zach was starting to feel like he really needed to be standing up and dressed for this conversation. He got up slowly, his palms raised, as though Chris might flee at the first sign of a threat. Carefully, he pulled on his boxers and jeans, and, miracle of miracles, Chris was still standing there when his head emerged from his t-shirt, with a _so?_ expression on his face, waiting for his explanation.

“They’re _both_ real. I really did love Miles, when we were together. I thought we could have made it work and been happy together. It was never like he was a substitute for you or anything. But he was never my best friend the way you are, and I never feel as much like myself as I do when I’m with you.”

“So you decided you had to test your theory of our compatibility as soon as you found out I’m available, without maybe talking about it first, or giving yourself more than a few minutes to get over the revelation?”

“Did I mention that I’m a bit of a mess right now?”

Chris laughed, not unkindly, and it was like sudden a burst of sunlight in the dark room. “Yeah, I’m kind of getting that.” He sobered again quickly. “I feel the same, you know. In case you didn’t know. I thought I’d been pretty obvious, but maybe not.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Well, now you do. Now we _both_ do.”

Zach couldn’t help but feel like this was the part when they should embrace joyously and confess their undying love or something, but it didn’t happen, and instead they stood awkwardly apart, wearing serious expressions that seemed more appropriate to worse news than a declaration of shared feelings. He wished Chris would look something other than grave and troubled at the news that Zach requited his affection, maybe like delighted or overjoyed or at least _pleased._ Then he remembered what had happened immediately before this conversation and felt another cold stab of humiliation.

“So what are we going to do?” he asked, mostly to break the too-long silence.

Chris blinked, then laughed again.

“Assuming this _hasn’t_ just ruined everything?”

“Um, very much assuming that.”

“Zach, no offense man, but you’re a basket case at the moment, you said so yourself. I’m not doing _anything_ until you’re at least 600% better than you are now and not yelling at me in parking lots or jumping me unexpectedly while crying your eyes out.” Chris’s eyes glinted with sudden humour. “I mean, I’m all for you jumping me, but I'd prefer it to be when you’re in your right mind, not when you’re sniffling over your ex.”

Zach smiled back, and felt like things were perhaps not completely hopeless.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I could do with some time to sort myself out.”

“We’ve established that _I like you and you like me_ , right?” Chris continued, reciting the high-school cliché in a singsong voice. “And we’ve felt this way for a while. We’ve waited a few years. We can wait a few months for you to get your head together.”

“And maybe forget that this happened?”

“And _definitely_ forget that large parts of this happened. The rest we can easily replace with better memories, when the time comes.”

Zach smiled, and Chris grinned back.

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem. Now, go get some therapy, hang out in the jungle, do some hardcore yoga, do whatever it is you do to chill out for a couple months, and then give yourself a couple _more_ months, because when we do this, we’re going to do it right, and not because you’re confused and desperate.”

Zach had a sudden moment of panic, and it must have shown on his face, because Chris smiled, stepped towards him, and wrapped Zach up in an enormous hug. Unlike earlier, Zach didn’t feel the need to do anything other than embrace him back, and they stood for several moments sharing warmth and comfort. Then they both sighed at the same time, which made them giggle and loosen their hold.

“Keep talking to me, man, and take it slow. You’re going to be fine.” Chris kissed him on the cheek, a gesture so affectionate that would have made Zach weak at the knees, if he weren’t far too grownup for that kind of nonsense, and released him from the hug. They rested their foreheads together for a moment, and then Chris turned to go.

“Take care of yourself, Zach. Let me know when you’re ready to try dating. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Zach reached out and grabbed his hand.

 “What if it takes a long time?”

“Then I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.”

“But what if _I_ can’t wait?”

Chris gently worked his hand free of Zach’s, cupped his face, and gave him the deepest, most searing, mind-blowing ten-second kiss of his life.

“Then that will have to keep you going.”

As Chris turned and left, Zach savoured the feeling that was still burning on his lips and in his brain. It was a gift, a wake-up call, and a promise all rolled into one, and it filled him with hope that there would be something at the end of the days and months to come, something to run towards, something to hope for. And in the meantime...well, it  _had_ been a while since his last visit to the jungle...


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a teeny tiny epilogue...thanks so much for reading!

“Hey Chris?”

“Hey Zach, what’s up?”

“I think I might be ready for that date now.”

Zach could _hear_ Chris’s grin down the phone. “ _Excellent!_ You name the time and place, I’ll be there. Any idea what you wanna do?”

Zach smiled.

“How abut a movie?”


End file.
